I’ll be the first to admit, there were times during our child-free years my husband and I stared in awe as a child ran nonstop through the grocery store aisles while the parent continued to push their cart as if they did not know the child at all.
We felt we were witnessing what looked like a crime when a child screamed — ear-shattering screams — as their parent wrestled them to release a toy they had a death grip on but was not going to be purchased. On our drive home, we’d discuss what happened and revisit the “Perfect Parenting Plan” we were establishing for our future children, noting how we would have handled these situations differently, and silently judging the parent that accepted such behaviors.
At that time, we were full of assumptions and not privileged with the knowledge of naps that never happened or the endless energy given to a child on your worst day. No one told us that only one parent can sleep at a time, leaving the other delirious from exhaustion. We were also clueless about the signs and symptoms of anxiety disorders, ADHD, autism, or even child abuse — things that might exacerbate outbursts.
And then we had twins! I don’t recall exactly when our plan went out the window. It was somewhere between the day they mutually decided to dump bowls of spaghetti (sauce included) on their freshly washed heads while giggling hysterically and the night we were rushing to go to an event, only to realize they had gotten into the fireplace and were completely covered in soot from head to toe. Yet both times, we had no choice but to leave our home, put on our “everything’s fine” faces and head out into the judging world.
The moral of the story, as with every aspect of life: It’s not fair to judge a person or assume you know the situation with no firsthand knowledge. You never know what a person may be dealing with. Be kind. The first rule of parenting — and life — should always be: no judgment, no assumptions.
Shera Cantrell is a native Memphian, wife of Bryant, and mother of Bryson & Peighton, age 10.