Bryan Rollins
Nothing changes your nature like being a parent. What you want for your own life ends up taking a backseat for the things that you want for your child’s life.
We often think of all the things we are going to do for them and all the things that we want to give them. Carefully planning what they are going to need at each stage of life, we prepare the best that we can for their success.
I’m sure that I’m not the only one who stockpiled unnecessary toys, learning games, classes, and summer regimens to get them off to a good start in life. We prepare for success without considering the things that won’t happen and the things we won’t be able to do or fix for them. What about the challenges that she will have to carry mostly on her own? What about the tough stuff that can’t be jumped over and the only way out is through?
Dealing with repeating a grade can be tough for your child and you. Especially when the child is in a grade that doesn’t offer other options like summer school. I wish that there was a magic potion for getting through it easily, but this is one of those take-it-day-by-day things. No parent wants to see their child disappointed, unhappy, or feeling down about themselves. We want to shield them. This, however, will be something that you’ll grow through together.
I learned to cultivate the joy in the day, regardless of what the day brings.
As I reflect on how it was for my daughter and me, there are two things I would have done a little differently. Number one: I would have been more prepared for questions from others regarding her age and grade. Some people will wonder but won’t ask or pry. You can read their body language or facial expression that will suggest they want an answer from you. Don’t feel obligated to answer their curiosity — because you’re not. If it is something that you would like to discuss, just be prepared to answer in a way that makes you feel comfortable. And refrain from the conversation if your kid is around. It may make them uncomfortable if the person you are conversing with is not someone he loves and trusts.
The second thing I would have done differently: Take the harsh blame off of myself. Toiling over what you could have done better won’t change anything. The truth is no one is exempt from having a few stumbling blocks along the way. Not even our babies. Many kids struggle at one point or another in their education. It could be reading, math, making friends, social or learning disorders, or simply not being disciplined enough to get work in on time. We don’t have to place a fairy-tale blanket over our children and then beat ourselves up because it doesn’t come true. These types of struggles only make us stronger and more resilient. We may bend, but we don’t have to break. We become better parents, and our kids become better little people.
Here are a few tips for parents whose children have had to repeat a grade.
- Be honest with your kid and encourage them through it.
- Always tell them how well they’re doing. They’ll need to rebuild their confidence.
- Share areas of your life where you
- didn’t get the result you wanted but
- kept pushing.
- Let them know they are not alone and that this happens to many children every year.
- Ask for a different teacher so your kid can still have a new experience.
- Allow them to participate in things that boost their confidence so they can focus on more positive and reinforcing things.
- Let them know that you love them and are proud of them, no matter what.
The challenge really is making the most of where you are instead of making your days about what could have been. I learned to cultivate the joy in the day, regardless of what the day brings, and to share those moments of growth with my daughter. Millions of students have to repeat a grade at least once. You are not alone. You didn’t do anything wrong. These things just happen sometimes. Move forward with patience and joy. You’re raising a wonderful human being.
Charday Wilson lives in Memphis and is the mom of three children, Malachi (13),
Ni'yma (9), and Isaiah (7).