Illustration by Bryan Rollins
“I just need one dollar.” This statement is probably number-one in most households where the thumb-texting, phone-obsessed, typical teenager abides, or even the bubbly little explorer who wants to build himself a souped-up bike for all those bike trails he will discover. When a child says they need a dollar, one question comes to mind: “Do you understand the difference between a need and desire?”
In the New York Times bestselling book Poor Dad, Rich Dad, the author contrasts the difference between his two dads. He compares the responses from both dads when the question arises about being able to pay for a desire. The poor dad habitually responds with a statement, “I can’t afford it,” while the rich dad asks the question, “How can I afford it?” One dad seems to close the mind to thinking about ways to accomplish the goal while the other opens the mind to possibilities of how one might go about having enough money to make the desire become a reality.
The mindset of how allows children to think about ways to come up with the money for a desire instead of looking to the parent to supply it for them. Encouraging children to think for themselves, especially in such real-life situations, will cause them to carry problem-solving behavior into adulthood. Three specific questions can help get to the bottom of what the child is asking.
Do you know the difference between a need and a desire?
Many children truly believe they need a phone, but they can actually live without them. Here’s some homework for the parent: Take the child’s phone away for three days and see if he is still breathing. Ten times out of ten, he will be breathing. My children understand that needs are for survival purposes while desires are for pleasure purposes. Water, food, clothing, shelter, and knowing they are loved and safe are needs all human beings have. Anything outside of these are pure desires. Sure, shoes are a need, but $150 Nikes are a desire. It is up to us to teach our children the difference.
Have you been a good steward over the dollars you have been given thus far?
Understanding what it means to be a good steward over money may look a little different in each household. In my household, it means budgeting money they have earned. Each child receives money for various reasons, such as chores, consistently taking the initiative to help out when they are not asked to, and doing well in school. Giving to those in need is another way my children are good stewards of what they have earned. It also means when my children are low on funds, they are low on funds and must wait until they find ways to make more money or change a habit that consumes too much of their savings.
What is the purpose for the need or desire?
Determining the purpose of the need or desire is easy: Just ask. If it has been determined that the child has not been a good steward over their funds, speak with them one-on-one about what could be done differently to make sure his purpose is accomplished. If it is a matter of a child wanting a toy or a teenager wanting the latest fashion, encourage him to think about how he can accomplish his goal. Motivate goal-setting and speak with him about following through on those goals. Teach him to make it a practice and stick to it. This means he may not go out to eat with friends as often. It is also a good idea to teach them how to budget so they don’t overspend the money they have. This will alleviate the eye-rolling that goes along with saying “no” to a child who consistently asks for money.
On the other hand, giving is an important part of my faith. Teaching children to think and care for others above themselves demonstrates how to love their neighbor. Again, speaking with each child individually and as a unit to discuss what the child would like to give to others helps foster a rich and genuine concern for someone in need, and children can plainly see that sometimes others have true needs far greater than their own. When my children decide to turn their desire into doing something that is a need for the benefit of another, my thoughts about my decision to give to them changes also.
Once we’ve asked these three questions and are consistent about how we deliver the message, children will be more than willing to show us how they have saved for their need or desire. Developing solid habits of being a good steward, determining a need versus a desire, and choosing to care for others are not only good habits for today, but habits that will last a lifetime. Parents can eventually breathe sighs of relief knowing their children are putting lessons in place to reward them today, tomorrow, and for many years to come.
Kim Clark is raising a spunky young son and two teenage daughters. She began a homeschool co-op this year, H.I.S. (Help Is Serving) Life School.