Lauren Adkins
Sweet baby Olive is just 9 months old, but her parents, Mallary and Anthony Vanelli, already have learned that she’s small yet mighty and runs their house near the University of Memphis.
“Every day is a new adventure that we get to experience together,” says Mallary. “Every new milestone she hits, every new thing she learns ignites fires in us to parent the way we have dreamed of doing for so many years.”
Parenthood is both rewarding and challenging. You’ve got a new person joining your family. It’s an exciting time, but it may seem daunting, especially for first-time parents.
Babies are not just little adults — they have a host of different needs, and you do, too. Every baby is different, but there are a few things new parents should know.
Feeding
According to Dr. Lauren Chipman, a pediatrician at Resurrection Health in Memphis, one of the most important aspects of feeding is the bonding that takes place. Breastfeeding is the preferred method, but whether you breastfeed, formula-feed, or do a combination of both, take advantage of this time. Regardless of the nutrition source, always hold your baby to feed. Do not prop a bottle or lay your baby down for feeding. Holding allows for bonding, frequent burping, and a quick response if baby begins to choke.
Most babies need to eat every two or three hours in the first weeks of life. To make sure baby gets enough, watch the diapers. Babies should have multiple wet diapers per day (usually one for every feeding). Dirty diapers vary. Some children may have several per day. Others may go a few days between. The consistency is more important than the number of dirty diapers. It should be soft and yellowish, with small changes once baby starts solid foods. Tell your doctor if it is significantly different.
Solids
Babies don’t need regular food before six months of age, when you can begin introducing solids. Breast milk or formula should be the primary source of nutrition for the first year.
Drinks
Around six months, you can introduce water, but babies and toddlers don’t need juice. If you choose to give juice, make sure it is diluted with at least half water, and never let your child walk around with cups of juice between meals, as it leads to tooth decay.
Allergens
The American Academy of Pediatrics now recommends introducing “allergy foods” like eggs or products containing peanuts earlier in life — around six months. If your family has a history of food allergies or you’re otherwise concerned, ask your doctor about introducing these foods.
Schedules
Dr. Chipman says not to worry about schedules in the first few weeks. Do what you need to survive as you adjust to life together. Feed when necessary, and always try to sleep when your baby does. This is important for nursing mothers, as on-demand feeding early on helps build a milk supply. Start thinking about routines when baby is around four to six weeks old.
Safe sleep
Babies should sleep on their backs in a crib or bassinet. Swaddling with a thin blanket is OK, but make sure the space is otherwise free of blankets, bumpers, stuffed animals, or pillows.
Don’t worry about these common issues
Not all adult irregularities are concerning in babies. Generally, don’t worry about:
Milia – These small white dots appear around the nose or on the face.
Mongolian spots – Common in African-American and Asian children, these bluish-purple spots may look like bruises on the back or buttocks. They typically fade within a few years.
Simplex Nevi – Often called “stork bites” or “angel kisses,” the flat, red-colored area often appears on the back of the neck, between the eyebrows or on the eyelids.
Spitting up – It’s normal! As long as baby is feeding well, breathing easily, and gaining weight, it’s OK.
When to call the doctor
Some common issues need to be treated. Call your pediatrician for:
Thrush – Caused by yeast imbalance, thrush appears as a white coating on the tongue or inside the cheeks. Nursing mothers may also be affected. Tell your doctor if nursing is suddenly painful or your breasts itch.
Forceful reflux – If your baby spits up large quantities, it suddenly gets worse, or it’s “projectile.”
Fever – A temperature of 100.4 degrees or higher is a big deal in babies younger than 6-8 weeks. Don’t give over-the-counter fever reducers to a child that young — call the doctor immediately.
If it’s past feeding time and your baby is difficult to wake up, or if he appears blue around the mouth, call 9-1-1 immediately.
Entertainment and lifestyle
Dr. Chipman recommends no screen time until at least age 2. This includes smart phones, TV, video games, and computer screens.
Overall, try to follow the 5-2-1-0 rule for older toddlers: five servings of fruits/vegetables per day, max two hours of screen time, one hour or more of physical activity, and zero sugary drinks.
Regarding teaching and training your child, Dr. Chipman suggests Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.” Respond calmly to your child, even when toddlers are throwing tantrums. Speaking gently, even for older kids, can help make you a role model. If you need to take a time out before correcting your child, it may help ensure you’re correcting out of love, not anger.
Finally, identify a support person during pregnancy. A spouse, parent, or friend can help if you feel exhausted or overwhelmed. If you continue to feel overwhelmed, call a doctor. Never shake your baby in frustration.
Take care of yourself
Meet your needs, too. Studies show parenthood can be tough on your diet and activity levels, not to mention the everyday things you still have to do. Consider some local services to help you get what you need:
Have a meal delivered by Chef Shuttle, which delivers restaurant meals throughout Memphis.
Have your grocery shopping or other errands handled by Level Nine, a local concierge service.
Need a babysitter? Check out East Memphis Moms’ babysitter directory or the screening services the blog recommends, like sittercity.com or care.com.
Working
Laws prevent discrimination against pregnant employees. You’re entitled to the same benefits and accommodations other employees receive. Visit eeoc.gov to read more from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.
Maternity leave
If your company employs 50 or more people within 75 miles of the workplace, you work at least 25 hours per week, and have been there for at least a year, you can take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave within one year of your baby’s birth. This is guaranteed through the Family and Medical Leave Act, which also requires employers to protect your job.
Tennessee Maternity Leave Act
Tennessee employers with 100 or more employees at a jobsite must allow up to 16 weeks of unpaid leave. A qualifying employee must have been with the company for at least one year and provide three months’ notice. Visit tn.gov to read more about the Maternity Leave Act.
Most of all, enjoy your little bundle of joy. Time flies — and your baby is worth every second! Mallary says that’s exactly how she and her husband soak up their time with Olive.
“I think we wake up every morning with a lightness that I’ve only ever felt on Christmas morning. Every morning I feel that way. I get great amounts of joy watching my husband react to the slightest change in Olive’s expression.”