Photo by Bryan Rollins
Summertime was always my favorite as a child. Warm weather, summer camp, neighborhood friends, water fights, and I could usually count on a fantastic summer vacation. My parents and I had a deal. If I made the honor roll for two consecutive school years, they would reward me with a trip to Disney. It was then that I established that incentives are my motivation. I worked diligently to achieve the academic goals set by my parents, with the reward of a vacation as my motivation.
I will never forget when I made my first C. I was in the fourth grade and worked hard that report card period. However, I did not make the grade. I was so disappointed in myself. More than anything, I wanted to go to Disney World. That day, I had a panic attack. Not because I was afraid of what would happen when I got home; I was scared of what was not going to happen. I am so thankful my parents explained to me that they understood I had given my all and they would still honor our agreement.
In my parenting, I spend countless hours debating between discipline and reward. I believe that each is important in the development of a child. However, when I think about learning and education, I believe that incentives should be at the forefront of motivation for children. Incentive-based motivation requires that the child and the parent enter into a contract at the beginning of the school year that outlines the incentives and expectations for a grade, conduct, and attendance scores.
Another fond memory from Snowden Elementary School was fund-raising, and I remember the silly incentives to sell a specific dollar amount. I was the kid who matched my performance in the fund-raiser to the incentive I was attempting to reach. If the pizza party required the student to sell $50 worth of popcorn, I would sell exactly $50 in popcorn.
If we think about it, as adults, we use incentives in just about every area of our lives. We work our jobs, not because it is the right thing to do, but because we anticipate being compensated at the end of the pay period. Using our paycheck, we can buy ourselves whatever “incentives” we please.
Incentives are a significant motivator for some children. All children are different, and different things will work, but I encourage parents to attempt incentive-based motivation in the upcoming school year. It doesn’t have to be a trip to Disney — small rewards, like an outing to the movies or an extra hour of TV time, can suffice.
Another helpful tool to try this school year is positive affirmation. I do not have much hindsight insight into this strategy. My parents were generally encouraging, but I can’t say there was any form of intentionality behind their affirmation. I suggest this strategy because I have incorporated positive affirmation in my everyday adult life, and I use it with my toddler daughter.
Positive affirmation techniques require that parents develop several short sayings or affirmations that the child uses to combat negative energy or emotion. For my toddler, we use the following affirmations:
You are smart.
You are powerful.
You are creative.
You can do anything.
You are kind.
We repeat these affirmations just about every morning. Admittedly, some days, I am busy, and I forget. The point is to make sure that you are intentionally building your child’s self-esteem. The bonus for the parent is being able to affirm yourself while affirming your child. There are days when I feel our positive affirmation sessions are more for me than they are for my daughter.
I also love positive affirmation because, in such a negative world, it is necessary to set aside time to remind your child how awesome they are. Often as adults, we forget how hard those playgrounds days can be.
As the school year starts, above all, remember to be flexible and forgiving with yourself and your child. We parents need to be flexible, and our tool belts should have several tools.
Carlissa Shaw is a local attorney and mother of one daughter, age 2.