It’s time for the talk. And I don’t mean the birds and the bees talk. But the talk about predators. April is Child Abuse and Sexual Assault Awareness Month. It’s a sad fact of life, but 1 in 10 children in the U.S. will be sexually abused by age 18, according to RAINN, the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, the largest nonprofit anti-sexual assault organization in the U.S.
Human trafficking is on the rise, and children as young as 11 years old are being approached online and in malls, playgrounds, and anywhere else children or teens gather. Moreover, traffickers are getting bolder. They are also less recognizable. Your child might be approached by a girlfriend, a long lost cousin, or a cute boy she saw in a mall — or lured online. As predators and traffickers thrive in an atmosphere of secrecy, it’s important to discuss these issues with your children.
Here are some suggestions from the experts:
- Tell your children you want to have a conversation about safety. In “Talking To Kids About Sexual Assault” at RAINN.org, the authors recommend starting these conversations early. Coaching it in safety terms normalizes the discourse and allows you to cover lots of territory from safe sex to dangerous predators. Make it clear from the outset that you want your children to feel comfortable to discuss sexual issues with you, and you are having this conversation because you love them and want them to be safe.
- Play the “What if?” Game. Beryl Wight, Communications and Grants Manager at the Memphis Child Advocacy Center (Memphis CAC) suggests playing a game of “what if.” “You don’t want to scare young children, but you do want to talk to them about important issues.” She recommends mixing generic questions like: If there’s a fire in the house, who do you call? with sexual boundary questions like: If an adult asks you to go to the bathroom with them, what do you say? It’s a good way to rehearse phone numbers, emergency numbers, and addresses, while teaching them when it’s appropriate to call Mom or 911.
- Warn your kids about online predators. “Preventing online predators from having access to your kids is important,” Wight says. “Parents need to be aware of online activity and check their kids’ phones.” They often want to protect their children’s privacy, but Memphis CAC doesn’t think that’s wise. Instead, they recommend monitoring their online activity.
- Caution your children about gifts from strangers. Linda MacDonald, a retired nurse and child activist from Truro, Nova Scotia, says, “Tell your children, if anyone offers you anything for free you can be sure it’s not really free but a ploy.” She recommends cautioning your children about people who offer them money. “Traffickers offer girls expensive purses and heaps of money for easy work. It’s human trafficking, which is sexual exploitation. The girls will never see that cash.”
- Talk to your children about grooming. In “Protecting Your Kids from Sexual Abuse” from the Memphis Child Advocacy Center, it states: “Predators often groom children over a period of time.” Grooming may involve gifts or spending special time, but predators often overstep boundaries, with inappropriate touching, rude sexual comments, or attempts to show the child R-rated material or porn. Warn your children about the signs of grooming and sexual assault. Remind them that rapists look like everybody else, and 8 out of 10 sexual assaults are committed by someone known to them. If anyone threatens to harm the child or their family members, or if they say ‘don’t tell’ — that means it’s time to tell someone right away. Parents and people working with children who would like to learn more strategies can take the Memphis CAC Stewards of Children program, a 2.5-hour course that provides child abuse prevention training. Check it out at: memphiscac.org.
The information in this article has been adapted from the Memphis Child Advocacy Center with their permission. Contact Memphis Child Advocacy Center at: (901) 888-4363.
Kelly Watt is a writer and activist based in Ontario, Canada. Her novel about child luring, Mad Dog, was released in the U.S. with Hamilton Stone Editions (2019).