Photo by Terrence Thomas on Unsplash
For the last four years, the last 208 weeks to be exact, I’ve been mentoring a group of high school girls who are scheduled to graduate in May. Or, at least they were. As of now, graduation has been moved to late July and may be canceled totally. As I talk to parents and students around the country, everyone seems to be saying the same thing: We’ve never imagined a world without graduation. Sure, a diploma can be mailed home, but there’s just something about a cap and gown, a moving of the tassel, a way-too-long speech that feels like a rite of passage—even if everyone in the room, including the graduates, can’t wait for it to be over.
None of this is easy. It’s disappointing. It’s painful. There is a loss to grieve. But there is also one simple idea that can help us reimagine our reality as we love and lead the class of 2020.
Graduation is canceled. Celebration is not.
Of course, so much of the celebration teenagers were looking forward to isn’t possible these days, but that doesn’t mean the accomplishment is any less valid. That’s why one of the most helpful things a parent or guardian or a mentor can do is to find ways to celebrate, even while social distancing.
So much of graduation is the ceremony, the tradition, and the grandness of it all. Still, in unique circumstances, there are unique ways we can bring the grandness into our living rooms. We can still put on the cap and gown. We can still invite family members to join via video or send messages of congratulations. No matter how you celebrate, it can be helpful to …
Pick a time and place. Graduation is special because it is a moment we remember. Create the same memory by setting aside time on the calendar, sending invites, and making sure the whole family knows.
Enlist family members to help. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins can help by writing letters of congratulations or making congratulatory signs (like they might at an in-person graduation) and sending a photo of themselves holding the sign. Depending on their technological skill, they can also join your family via video as you celebrate.
Look backward and forward. Part of what makes graduation magical is spending equal parts celebrating the accomplishments of the past and sharing hopes for the future. Both can be accomplished in an at-home celebration as well. To make conversation flow a little easier, try hosting a “graduation celebration dinner” and invite family members (either in person or via video chat) to share their favorite memories with the graduate and their well-wishes for the future.
The truth is, none of us are able to erase the pain of losing an important event like graduation. Still, we can help a student celebrate the moment even in the midst of grief. The goal isn’t to replace graduation but to choose to pursue joy and celebration even in the midst of tough times.
For more practical and encouraging advice on helping children and teenagers during these uncertain times (including free resources and downloads), please visit TheParentCue.org.
Crystal Chiang is the author of Starting Now: A 30-Day Guide to Becoming Who You Want to Be in College and the director of Student Strategy at Orange, a nonprofit that helps churches partner with parents to influence the next generation. Before joining the team at Orange, she spent 10 years as a high school Spanish teacher and student ministry leader, doing everything from small groups to speaking to curriculum design. Crystal and her husband, Tom, live in Atlanta, Georgia, with their embarrassingly ill-tempered chihuahua, Javier.