Years ago, eight years ago in fact, Memphis Parent held a “Baby Fashionista” contest that I entered my Ella into. It was at a time where things were slower, simpler, and dare I say, more orderly.
Schedules were on point, and we were locked into them. Naps happened twice a day, dinner was at a consistent hour, and bedtime occurred at the same time each night. Not to mention, I could always count on some sweet and snuggly cuddling at the end of a long day.
Now Ella is 8 years old and my youngest is 5, and while Beatrice is down to wrestle and give daddy a big smooch from time to time, both girls are more and more independent and less inclined to want to cuddle these days. I long for the days when I could just hold them with one arm and do so effortlessly. The other day I was holding Ella and she almost hit her head on the ceiling! They’re growing like weeds, I tell you.
I get it, when I get home from work and my kids run into my arms, there’s literally nothing better, but when I get home and they don’t, it’s not time to force affection. As parents, we should be sending the message to our children that personal space and boundaries are theirs to set. And conversely, if our kids want to cuddle us and we don’t want to, we should be letting them know our boundaries as well. It’s a two-way street, and one that should be modeled regularly.
The bright side of this is two-fold. First, our kids are growing up and don’t need us for every little thing anymore. There was a time when I couldn’t even sit down for a hot cup of coffee without hearing “mommy” or “daddy” every two seconds. Secondly, there are other ways to connect and be close with your children.
Lately, I’ve been finding comfort in playing board games and jumping on the trampoline with my girls. The main thing is that we are spending time together and bonding. If you put in the time, there is so much payoff. And admit it, it’s fun to monkey around and roughhouse. It keeps us parents young.
Jeff Hulett is a freelance writer, musician, and PR consultant in Memphis. He lives in the Vollintine Evergreen neighborhood with his wife Annie, two girls Ella and Beatrice, and two dogs Chalupa and Princess Freckles.