Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash
My kids are now 26, 27, and 28. We covered all the topics in a timely manner: Stranger danger, sex, appropriate use of technology, impacts of pornography, vision building, developing decision making, financial management, and more. Little did I realize 28 years ago the level of conversations to be had with children.
Two years ago, I joined the most horrible "club" in all of America/the world — mothers who have lost a child to suicide.
You might think, as I did: How did this happen?
For the past two years, I have researched every assessment tool and training experience I should have known about to prevent this horror. I have studied all the facts on suicide.
My 28-year-old has lived in Heaven for the past two years.
What have I learned?
- There are 129 suicide deaths a day and over 3,000 attempts a day in America. In the world, 1 person dies every 40 seconds to suicide. As I am writing this, and as you are reading it, several lives have been lost.
- 45,000 die a year and 1.1 mission attempts a year in America.
- Suicide is the second leading cause of death for people up to age 26 and the fourth leading cause of death for ages up to 55.
- Suicide has increased 56% in the past 4 years. It can no longer be ignored, or all of us will be intimately touched with this horror.
- Suicide is treated as this "strange amoeba" that cannot be prevented, and when covered in the news, the answer is always: "Call the suicide hotline." Would you give a person running a 104-degree temperature an aspirin?
Many schools ignore the reality of the Youth at Risk survey:
- 1 out of every 4 students is sad/depressed.
- 1 out of every 6 has thoughts of suicide.
- 1 out of every 7 has a suicide plan in place.
- 1 out of every 13 has made an attempt.
- Yet, only 2.8% are getting mental health care (Who are they turning to for help? Friends! Who are clearly observing them? Teachers!)
If a person is running a "temp," we give them a thermometer to objectively assess the degree of infection and respond accordingly. There are three assessments that provide the average person with an understanding of a person's emotional "temperature." (I wish I had known about these objective tools!)
- The Adverse Childhood Experience assessment (ACE Test) that assesses the level of childhood trauma — 10 questions — If they have an ACE score of 4, they are 1,200% more likely to attempt suicide. If they have an ACE score of 6 or more, they are 3,000% more likely.
- Pfizer Health Questionnaire that assesses depression — 9 questions.
- Holmes and Rahe Stressor Scale that assess adult stress level.
All parents MUST know these tools!
If it is recognizable, it is predictable. If it is predictable, it is preventable!
If we can all be aware that suicide does not happen in a vacuum, each person goes through the fragile stage and gives clear warning signs asking for help — 80 percent of suicide deaths are preventable if people could recognize the signs of fragile and suicidal.
The cost of a person "functioning" in a fragile state can lead to failure in school, addictions, poor performance in work, broken marriages and families, and more.
What have I done?
- I created First Responder Coaching to teach and train churches, schools, businesses, friends, neighbors, and colleagues to recognize and respond to a person who is fragile so they do not become suicidal. First responders are people who are trained, tooled, and practiced to walk into fires and into the lines of fire. They do so confidently because they are trained.
- We all see people who are struggling, and we do not know how to step into that line of fire because we are not trained, tooled, or practiced.
What is my rationale:
- In 1958, America responded to a school fire in Chicago when 92 students and 3 nuns died. We require all schools to have fire drills once a month so that all are trained, tooled, and practiced. I have no memory of a school fire in my life, but we are ready.
- In America, we recognized that people were needlessly dying from heart attacks and choking, so we trained the average American in CPR and the Heimlich Maneuver so they are trained, tooled, and practiced to confidently jump into the line of fire to save lives.
- In America, we have responded to the needless deaths from car accidents due to lack of seat belts. We are trained, tooled, and practiced at wearing seat belts.
- In America, we recognize the reality of active shooters, and we have active shooter training in schools, businesses, and churches.
Yet, when there is an issue about suicide, we say: "Call the suicide hotline" — Call someone who cares! There is training we can have in place in churches, schools, and businesses to educate teachers, friends, and colleagues in the skill of recognizing and responding to fragile.
Bornblum School has conducted training for teachers, staff to all of their school, all of the Memphis Hebrew Academy school, and to five other private schools. The teachers have taken the tools to respond at levels beyond my own imagination.
The school is offering an awareness training to all parents and the Memphis community on September 12th at 6:30 p.m. so that parents will have the same language as the teachers and so the average person will know about the signs for their own children and for their friends, employees, spouses, and more. For more information and to RSVP to this event, visit the Facebook page by clicking here.
There is a passion that drives me to save 129 mothers and fathers each day from feeling this horrible pain. If I had known what I do now, I believe Ryan would still be alive. The least I can do is pass it on to a network for people to recognize and respond to your children, friends, and others.