As a mother with children in two different generations (and 9 years apart), I want my children to develop a strong, lasting, and positive bond; become aware of their unique strengths and gifts; and feel loved, valued and respected within our family.
Several practices help me realize these goals. They include:
Practice #1: Teaching Support
From the time my second child came home, I started to teach my older child how to support her young sister by taking responsibility for a few age-appropriate tasks. She would keep an inventory of baby supplies, help me change the baby or prepare bottles, and read to the baby. If your older child is a toddler, support might include: stacking the changing table with pampers, putting toys in the bath, being quiet when the baby is asleep or gathering books for you to read to the baby. It is important when teaching support to emphasize to your older child that they are playing a crucial role in supporting the entire family.
Practice #2: Facilitating Play Time
Despite the large age gap between my children, at least twice a week I am intentional about finding activities they can do together or asking them to take turns suggesting ideas. Activities range from playing games in the house to art projects to dance-offs to baking to putting on fashion shows. A favorite activity of mine is “movie script writing,” where my older child reads a story to my younger child and together they invent their own ending, which they then dramatize. Playing together allows them to not just have fun together, it helps them to know each other better and to begin to understand the importance of compromise, and trusting and relying on each other.
Practice #3: Stimulating Learning
My older child is encouraged to take an active role in reinforcing things her younger sister is learning. For example, my older child routinely explains museum exhibits, describes the life cycle or diet of animals they see at the zoo, and conducts fun letter, shape, color and number recognition drills. She challenges her sister to build puzzles and be creative with Magnatiles or Legos. These actions reinforce learning for both siblings and strengthen the role of my older child as “champion and cheerleader” for her younger sister.
Practice #4: Volunteering to Change the World
By reaching out to churches, shelters, and hospitals or visiting sites like doinggoodtogether.org, we can find opportunities to make a positive impact on the world as a family. During vacations, we also try to make time for a “work day” at a local school, orphanage, or nature preserve. After volunteering, it is important to encourage your children to be reflective about the experience by asking what they learned, what surprised or inspired them, etc. Volunteering teaches children the importance of collaborating with others to solve problems and realize common goals. It also exposes them to the challenges we face as a human family – challenges that may plant the seed for their life’s work.
Petal Modeste is a parenting expert J.D., MBA, Associate Dean at Columbia Law School, and host of the newly launched podcast Parenting for the Future.