Photography by Larry Kuzniewski
Aren’t we all a little guilty of labeling other moms? Sure, we all share the common goal of nurturing a happy, healthy family, and we make different choices to get there. But just for fun, have you ever considered what mom category you most likely fall into? Take this fun quiz to see where you land.
It’s a busy school night. What’s for dinner?
- a. Tofu stir-fry
- b. Pizza
- c. Crock-Pot meal
- d. Hot dogs
- e. Mac and cheese
- f. One of your wholesome pre-made meals from the freezer
Your family pet is a:
- a. Rescue dog or cat
- b. Cat or purse-sized puppy
- c. Golden retriever or a Labrador
- d. A boxer or German shepherd
- e. Dogs, cats, fish, gerbils... we have a full house
- f. ZhuZhu Pet
Your kids want to go to an amusement park with friends. You:
- a. Say OK, but with strict instructions that they are not to eat anything with artificial colors.
- b. Warn them not to ruin those jeans you got them. They cost a fortune.
- c. Look online to see if there are any coupon deals.
- d. Insist on going, too. You are never too old for roller coasters!
- e. Say no problem and offer to drive.
- f. Agree, but secretly begin agonizing about the safety of the rides.
Your 13-year-old daughter is begging for the latest cell phone. You say:
- a. No way. You can use a flip phone when you need to reach me.
- b. Yes, let’s go shopping!
- c. OK, but first we are going to draw up a contract together and discuss the rules and responsibilities of owning a smartphone.
- d. Well, I don’t want you to be the only one of your friends who doesn’t have one.
- e. Sure, whatever. Let’s add you to the family plan.
- f. Are you kidding? A phone will expose your developing brain to harmful radiation.
Your child has an early morning soccer game. You are most likely to wear:
- a. Yoga pants and an organic cotton T-shirt.
- b. Designer jeans, Ugg boots, a hip jacket, and a cute hat.
- c. Comfy jeans and your favorite T-shirt.
- d. Team shirt, capris, and a great attitude.
- e. Oops, forgot to do laundry. Pull on something relatively clean.
- f. Soccer causes concussions. My kids don’t play soccer.
You relax by:
- a. Making homemade soaps and gardening.
- b. Shopping and a spa day.
- c. Relax? What?
- d. Cheering on your favorite team.
- e. Sleeping in and watching old movies.
- f. Cleaning and organizing.
A vacation for your family looks like:
- a. Camping.
- b. Relaxing at a beachside resort.
- c. Disney World and a full schedule of activities.
- d. Wherever my child’s tournament is also being played.
- e. A leisurely drive to your destination with stops at historical landmarks and tourist attractions along the way.
- f. Family lake house.
How many extracurricular activities is each of your children in?
- a. 0-2
- b. 2-3
- c. 4-5
- d. 6+
- e. I don’t have a clue.
Your car:
- a. Has a picture of the earth on it.
- b. Is detailed at least once a month.
- c. Has your website on the rear windshield.
- d. Features decals of your kids’ names and the sports they play.
- e. Is littered with crumbs, sippy cups and toys.
- f. Is meticulously clean.
Your friend invites you to join her for a manicure. You say:
- a. Come over! I’ll show you how to do an inexpensive, all-natural mani that you’ll love.
- b. Sure, I could use a little pampering.
- c. I’d love to and then post a photo on Facebook of the two of you enjoying your time.
- d. Absolutely! I wonder if they can put a baseball design on my nails?
- e. Fun! Let’s have lunch, too!
- f. Hmmm. Does this place clean their tools between clients?
Your favorite workout is:
- a. Om! Yoga all the way.
- b. Tennis.
- c. Jazzercise. Group exercise is motivating.
- d. Running. Walking is for whiners.
- e. Chasing my kids.
- f. Weights and cardio with a personal trainer.
Your toddler has a meltdown at the store. You:
- a. Hand him homemade fruit leather you stashed in your purse. He is quickly appeased.
- b. Are surprised. This undesirable behavior clearly runs on your husband’s side.
- c. Take a photo of your screaming tot and post it to Facebook with the breezy status “Another day in paradise!” Your friends quickly commiserate.
- d. Annoyed, you pick him up, abandon the cart, and flee the store.
- e. Allow him to carry on. He’s only embarrassing himself.
- f. Get worried and wonder if he is acting out because he is coming down with something.
Your parenting mantra is:
- a. “Eat real food. Live simply. Recycle like there is no tomorrow.”
- b. “To be the best mom, you have to take care of yourself.”
- c. “Need something done? Ask a busy mom!”
- d. “Winners never quit and quitters never win.”
- e. “Keep calm and carry on.”
- f. “Cleanliness is next to godliness!”
You organize your family by:
- a. Using an old-fashioned day-planner.
- b. Hiring a virtual assistant.
- c. Plugging everything into your smartphone.
- d. Recording all activities on the family wall calendar, color-coded according to the family member.
- e. Taking a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants approach. It will all work out.
- f. Each person has a folder.
On the first day of school, you:
- a. Sadly drop your child off and start researching how to home school.
- b. Skip through the morning routine singing, “It’s the most wonderful day of the year!”
- c. Post Instagram photos of your kids dressed for the first day in Pinterest-inspired poses.
- d. Give your kids a pep talk before dropping them off.
- e. Weep at the passing of another summer.
- f. Deliver an extra supply of disinfectant wipes to the teacher.
Your kids are performing in the school musical. You:
- a. Prepare a healthy dinner before performance time. Good food will help them focus.
- b. Work with the music teacher to ensure the costume designs are just right.
- c. Arrive an hour and half before performance time. How else are you going to visit with friends and get a good seat for your YouTube recording?
- d. Rehearse daily with your kids. You would be mortified if they screwed up.
- e. Remind your kids to practice their lines and assume they have it under control.
- f. Stay awake worrying the night before. What if a piece of equipment falls on their heads? Could they fall off of the stage? You’ve heard about these things happening.
If most of your answers were:
A - Crunchy Mama
From food to cleansers, you take an all-natural approach to life. You are committed to a healthy lifestyle and to feeding your family wholesome, unprocessed foods. You either belong to a Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) for locally sourced foods or you grow your own. You typically shop at places like Whole Foods and Sprouts with your cloth bags in hand. If you wear makeup, you keep it simple. You opted for a natural birth with your children, hired a doula, and had a birth plan in place when you were pregnant. You have a “breast is best” philosophy for feeding your babies. You may have opted to homeschool your kids.
What others admire about you: Your commitment to living a more holistic, simpler life.
B - Butterfly Mama
You rarely have a hair out of place, and other moms are constantly wondering how you manage to look so classy and put together all of the time. You have a quiet confidence and own your fashionable style. You not only care about how you look, you also have the attitude that self-care is important to being a better mother. Your home further reflects your creativity and is a showstopper that is as comfortable as it is stylish. Whether you shop at garage sales or high-end department stores, you always know what looks good, and your kids generally share your sense of style.
What others admire about you: Your charming personality and fashion sense.
C - Connected Mama
Social media has created a perfect storm of connection for you. You not only get to chat daily with friends and family from afar, you can share entertaining bits and pieces of your daily life with friends who may be right around the corner. Networking comes with ease, and you manage to find friends wherever you go. You frequently organize moms’ night outs, get-togethers, and events. Your smartphone is your favorite device. Of all the moms listed, you are probably the most sleep deprived. But you thrive on busyness and tend to be exceptionally organized.
What others admire about you: Your vast network and your resourcefulness.
D - Sports Mama
You love sports as much as your kids. Your competitive nature can get you a little riled up during games. You push your children to always do their best, whether in school, sports, or life. You typically wear your hair in a ponytail, sporting a sun visor and a T-shirt that says “Baseball/Soccer/Football Mom.” You come to games prepared with a cooler full of healthy snacks, bottled water, blankets, an umbrella and a comfortable bleacher chair. Your favorite mode of transportation is your SUV or minivan to accommodate the sports equipment, random water bottles, and any team members who need rides. As something of a mother hen, you carry a first-aid kit and can always be depended on to offer praise and encouragement to every player.
What others admire about you: Your can-do, up-beat, and playful personality.
E - Free Spirit Mama
You tend to take a go-with-the-flow approach to life and prefer to live for the present. Your favorite outfit is whatever is clean and ready to throw on first thing in the morning. You don’t let a screaming child rush you into decisions you aren’t comfortable with. You aren’t one to hurry to urgent care the minute your child sneezes, falls, or nibbles on some sand. You don’t worry too much about the daily messes and chaos of life. Your attitude is that inconveniences and frustrations will sort themselves out eventually. For now, you say, let’s celebrate the moments and embrace the journey.
What others admire about you: Your reliable, even-keeled sense of calm.
F - Mama Bear
Committed to the health and wellness of the family, you are an avid reader of medical news and child development books. You tend to worry about your family frequently and pay close attention to any sniffles or complaints of body aches. You frequently evaluate if your kids’ behavior is due to illness, allergy, or some other disorder, and you aren’t shy about consulting with the pediatrician. Your kids knew about stranger danger and how germs spread before any other kid on the block. You keep a bottle of hand sanitizer in the car, the house, and in your purse. You are happiest in a clean, well-organized environment.
What others admire about you: Your nurturing, fiercely protective spirit.
Freelance writer Christa Melnyk Hines is the mom of two children ages 9 and 11. Her newest book is Happy, Healthy & Hyperconnected: Raise a Thoughtful Communicator in a Digital World.