What does it mean to show up for someone experiencing a mental health crisis?
We all know someone who may struggle with the effects of poor mental health, or perhaps we even find ourselves sometimes questioning our own well-being. Discussing mental health is no longer a stigma, which is great, but there has to be a better roadmap to navigate and serve the ones we love who are in crisis.
In summer 2024, my father fell into a deep dark pit of despair and depression. It’s happened previously — about seven years ago post-retirement — and thanks to treatment, medication, and support, he was able to rebound. But this time, his struggle was different as he’s much older now and more resigned to giving up easily. How do you combat that? Pretending that everything is okay or will be fine can keep things at ease and non-confrontational, but in all honesty, taking action at the first signs of distress is crucial.
Let’s face it, tackling mental health issues is extremely sensitive and can be a complex challenge when trying to determine what to do when you’re worried about someone — especially loved ones. But not taking the check-in-immediately approach when something seems wrong only makes things worse. Waiting and hoping that the kick-the-can-down-the-road solution (that we chose), only leaves them feeling a greater sense of helplessness — eventually, dad slept more, talked less, and completely lost his appetite. It was a bleak time.
We’re talking about a man who has never met a stranger; tells jokes at the drop of a hat to anyone willing to listen, and has a larger-than-life personality (hands down, never a dull moment). That’s the power of its (mental illness) paralyzing symptoms.
Robin Williams famously said, “I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy. Because they know what it feels like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anybody else to feel like that.”
Wise words, indeed. Which is why we should all be checking on our people no matter their personality disposition. There’s a lot of neurodiversity in my life which I love because it helps keep me sharpened and on my toes. It also reminds me that I’m entitled to setting expectations and boundaries around how I would like to be treated or engaged.
In the end, mental illness isn’t like a broken arm or sore throat, nor does it respond well to a band-aid. It’s hard to identify and can be quite elusive. It can hide behind words and phrases like, “I’m fine,” “I’m just tired,” or “I’ll feel better tomorrow.” It’s our responsibility as friends and family to dig a little deeper, share our own feelings of unrest and uncertainty, and be specific about inquiring about their needs or how they are feeling (without assumptions). Something as simple as asking them “Is there anything troubling you that I can help with?” You want to ensure that the assistance you offer is effective and accepted in a non-judgmental space.
Here are some steps you can take to support someone you love:
- Educate yourself: Learn more about mental health and how to support others.
- Talk to someone: Reach out to a trusted friend or family member, or call a helpline.
- Take care of yourself: Practice self-care, such as journaling, exercising, or meditating.
- Volunteer: Give back to your community by volunteering with a local mental health organization to gain more awareness.
- Advocate: Support policies that prioritize mental health.
- Challenge stigma: Encourage others to talk openly about mental health.
- Take action: Consider participating in Mental Health Action Day.
- Support others: Share resources with people who are struggling.
- Be kind: Practice kindness and empathy towards yourself and others.
As for my dad and his journey towards healthy mental wellness, we will continue to monitor his therapy and recovery, and make the most of the time we have together.
If someone you love is struggling, you can reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988, or by chatting online at 988lifeline.org. These services offer free, confidential support 24/7.