Having children is one of the best things my wife Annie and I ever decided to do. Even when we first started dating way back in the early aughts, we knew we were both family people and aspired to one day be parents. I always saw myself as a dad. At the time, we didn’t know it would be us raising kids together. I thank my lucky stars every day for how it played out.
When our first child Ella was born in 2011, we were so thrilled and bowled over with raw emotion. We had her at Baptist Women’s Hospital, a natural childbirth in the hospital setting. We thought we were so prepared. What a beautiful, wild day that was.
Fast-forward to 2015, when Ella started exhibiting behavior that we couldn’t quite put our fingers on. We knew something was bothering her, but she couldn’t articulate to us what it was. Generally speaking, Ella is a very bright and happy little girl. What we observed was that Ella’s struggles seemed to relate to her relationship with her clothing. Socks and shoes were too tight; tags were too scratchy, that sort of thing. It was frustrating because her behavior manifested itself into some of the most intense tantrums I’ve ever witnessed. The type of tantrums that leave a parent feeling helpless.
So we did what most people do when faced with uncertainty — we hit the interwebs and went down many a rabbit hole. Bad idea. Before long, we realized we could lean on the professionals. Thankfully, we have many friends in the Memphis health care field, and we were able to bring one such friend, an occupational therapist, to our house for an evaluation.
After an hour of talking with Ella, her therapist came to us with the conclusion that Ella was struggling with what is called Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). SPD is a condition where multisensory integration is not adequately processed in order to provide appropriate responses to the demands of the environment. Imagine if you were in a situation that just completely overwhelmed your senses and you had no way to cope. That’s Sensory Processing Disorder in a nutshell. And when you are a 3-year-old trying to navigate your world, this type of impediment can send you spiraling out of control. Hence, the over-the-top tantrums.
In some cases, SPD can also lead to obsessive compulsive tendencies like washing your hands over and over again or double-checking.
The good news is that there are tools and comfort measures that can help. The Wilbarger Protocol (also referred to as brushing therapy) is often a part of a sensory integration or sensory therapy programs. This is where brushing starts at the arms and works down to the feet. The face, chest, and stomach are never brushed because these are sensitive areas. The idea is that this soothing effort would calm Ella’s nerves and help her cope with the clothes she’s trying to wear.
“We try to be active in our kids’ health and health goals, but when push comes to shove, we are not the experts.”
There are also clothes available that are invaluable to the needs of kids struggling with SPD. We absolutely rely on H&M for the loose-fitting dresses they sell every spring and summer. We also employ seamless socks and encourage her to wear flip-flops, when appropriate. In the early days, she wore flip-flops in the dead of winter. Pro tip: Pick your battles!
Now that Ella is almost 8, she’s incredibly self-aware of what triggers her episodes. For example, the other day was the first day of soccer practice, and she knew she had to wear shin guards and bulky soccer socks. While she initially resisted, after some soothing and redirection, Ella rallied and eventually put on the gear with no issue. Of course, the second practice was over, she ripped that gear off like someone trying to traverse the desert wearing a parka.
Talk to the professionals. I’m a PR guy, and my wife is a teacher. We try to be active in our kids’ health and health goals, but when push comes to shove, we are not the experts. We would never have been able to help Ella if we hadn’t sought professional help.
Jeff Hulett is a freelance writer, musician, and PR consultant in Memphis. He lives in the Vollintine Evergreen neighborhood with his wife Annie, two girls Ella and Beatrice, and two dogs Chalupa and Princess Freckles.