Photo by Callum Shaw on Unsplash
We can all agree that the holidays are stressful. Combine crowded spaces with uncomfortable family dynamics, and it’s a recipe that makes even the calmest among us forget to be Zen. Add to the mix a recent loss, separation, or divorce and it’s easy to become overwhelmed with the moment, feeling disconnected during a time when you need the exact opposite.
The human body is a capable, wondrous thing but it's a machine that will respond predictably in most situations. With that in mind, here are a few psychological hacks you can use to focus on your own wellbeing as a parent but also as an individual, beyond whatever chaos might be happening around you during this emotional time of year.
Be kind to yourself
Much of the anxiety surrounding the holidays has to do with wanting everything to be perfect for the sake of the kids. But when you admit to yourself the truth, you'll realize that turkeys burn, divorces happen, and someone’s relative will inevitably try to bring politics up at the table just to make things interesting. In short, you can't make it all perfect and the quicker you accept that, the better you'll feel.
According to Dr. Emma Seppala, there are scientific benefits to going easy on yourself in the expectations department, especially during the holidays. “Self-compassion involves treating oneself as one would a friend, “ she writes, “being more mindful, and understanding our situation in the context of a larger human experience.”
She goes on to discuss how self-criticism–the opposite of self-compassion–can actually activate the sympathetic nervous system and elevate hormones associated with the stress response. In other words, going easy on yourself and those around you during the holidays will make you feel less stressed physically.
Enjoy the time you have
Being in the moment and with those you love is such a gift. Kids grow up quickly, loved ones pass on, and even the most contentious holiday table conversations are better than no conversation at all.
There are also research-backed benefits to being present and mindful, particularly when it comes to stress response and coping ability. That's why it's so helpful to turn off the negative commentary in your head, even if for a little while, and focus all of your thoughts on the things you have to be grateful for in this moment.
Remind yourself during this holiday season that togetherness is a gift–despite family drama, illnesses, or set-backs. It’s another year to appreciate what you have, the people you have to share it with, and all the memories that have been created.
Be grateful
There are some fascinating results happening in research on gratitude, and how much of a role it plays in our wellbeing and health. In fact, some studies have found that feeling and expressing gratitude can have actual physical effects on your brain, particularly in the medial prefrontal cortex.
This region of the brain provides regulation of thought, action, and emotion. Taking a minute to be grateful can be a powerful method of keeping your emotions in check during times when stress is unavoidable. Think of it as hacking into your own mind and nervous system to intentionally by-pass and redirect the negative response that would normally happen.
The new year will be here before you know it
This holiday season, like all the others, will be over before you know it, so there is no better time than now to focus on being kind, present, and grateful. You'll come out on the other side with a renewed focus on moving toward the end of 2022 in peace. And isn't that what the holidays are supposed to be about in the first place?