What if your family gave up their custody rights for you? Or if you entered state custody on your birthday? In Tennessee, approximately 8,000 children are in foster care at any given time. With fewer than 4,000 foster families, the need for more families is real.
Many kids in foster care have experienced the unimaginable, and they demonstrate daily their courage, resilience, and unconditional love by showing up to live life.
Now, imagine this … the Memphis Tigers Cotton Bowl game in Dallas, barbecue at Cozy Corner, formal dinner at Folk’s Folly Prime Steak House, Jerry’s Sno Cones, snorkeling at the U of M pool, Stonewall Tigers drag show, Science Museum in St. Louis, hiking in local forests, yoga at Anybody Yoga and Midtown Yoga, biking on the Greenline, urban farming at Landmark Training Development in Orange Mound, horseback riding at Shelby Farms, and concerts at the Levitt Shell. Those are a few experiences my foster sons and I have shared together.
Now, I don’t want to give the impression that all has been rosy because it has not. We’ve worked through challenging issues, like managing anger and stress, stealing, substance abuse, and disrespect; but, if we’re truthful, some of that applied to us growing up, too.
Fostering was something I always wanted to do, and I cannot quite remember when it first entered my mind. Maybe it was times when my family helped other kids or when my community helped us. But I know it’s my mission to strengthen families and build stronger communities. Who I am is linked to the investments others made in me, and I acknowledge and am humbled by that privilege. As we journey to make this world more just and loving for youth and families, it’s our responsibility to leverage our privilege to make a difference.
Over the years, Stax Music Academy, City of Memphis’ Ambassadors Program and MPLOY, MIFA’s Teen Jobs and COOL Programs, and First Baptist on Broad’s Boys to Men ministry prepared me for fostering, and the young people of those programs groomed me to be a better father to Gabrielle, my biological daughter, and a supporter of these young men and their families.
In October 2018, I was walking through my house and thinking about the best use of space. Gabrielle had chosen an out-of-state university, and my roommate had moved. Different ideas came to mind, and the last thought was foster care. So I emailed that night to sign up for a foster care training.
Even though I spent many years in youth development, Youth Villages’ foster care training was really helpful. The training schedule was flexible, and the best part was meeting other like-minded people who wanted to do more for youth.
Being a single foster parent, Youth Villages’ staff, family, and friends have been my support system. Keon Falkner, Chris Key, Melody Weathers, Brandy Watkins, Kenya Bradshaw, and Courtney Jackson believed in me enough to write personal recommendation letters. Ron Teamer brings Christmas gifts every year. One day, my dad called and said, “Harry, your mom would be proud of you. And if you ever need a break, just let me know. If the boys ever want to make some extra money, they can help me in the yard. If you ever have to go out of town, I will stay with them.” That moment was a definite top-five father-son moment for me.
While reading this article, you may be asking yourself: Can I do this? How will they blend with my family? How will I juggle fostering with work demands? Those questions are valid — they crossed my mind, too. The question I have for you is what will happen to a young person if you do not foster? Lastly, fostering is not a one-way relationship where the adult pours into a traumatized young person, but rather, it’s a two-way relationship focusing on mutual growth from knowing each other.
Foster families can be single parents, couples with or without children, older couples — just about any household with room to care for and support foster children. The most important qualification is keeping a child safe and providing a stable, caring environment.
Please visit youthvillages.org or call 1-888-MY-YV-KID for more information about fostering.
Harry Cash is Youth Villages’ Foster Parent and Foster Care Advisory Council Member.