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Seeking out help can be difficult for many of us, but as with everything in life, talking about our fears and troubles can take away much of their power.
Let’s begin with one of the most important aspects of our lives: our kids.
Even for children who are struggling and are responsive to receiving help, the idea of therapy can seem overwhelming or scary. In cases where kids are referred to counseling services by school, their primary care doctor, or a psychiatrist, a child might feel “forced” or perhaps even punished. And as a parent, grandparent, or guardian, you may have hopes and worries of your own. The point is, whatever anyone is feeling is okay.
These tips on how to begin conversations in your home regarding therapy can help you move toward a more open and comfortable space.
Start the discussion but let your child lead it
Kids have a tendency to surprise us with what they know or how deeply they’ve thought something through. A good place to begin talking about therapy is by asking open-ended questions and letting their answers guide the conversation:
“I’m noticing that you’re feeling really stressed and/or down lately. Do you think talking to someone about it might help?”
“How would you/do you feel about talking things out with a therapist?”
“When I say the word ‘therapy,’ what do you think of?”
Remember to use age-appropriate language. Younger children, for instance, may see little difference between the idea of seeing a therapist or going to the doctor. Even if it means incorporating the idea of therapy into pretend play, this can often help open minds and dialogue.
Maximize their choices when and where you can
Unless they’ve been referred to therapy, older children should have some control over their counseling experiences – including being honest about whether or not the sessions are helping them.
It may also take time to find a good match, so consider carefully setting expectations by mentioning that you will work with them to find the best provider option. Still, a good rule of thumb is to give it at least two or three sessions.
Emphasize confidentiality
Children of all ages may wonder whether talking to the therapist is the same thing as telling things to parents — and may hold back as a result.
Assure them that unless they talk about hurting themselves or others, everything they say to the therapist stays between the two of them. The therapist, who will usually make the same point clear during the first session, is there to help and won’t tell parents anything that doesn’t involve their child’s immediate health and safety.
Is the fear about therapy itself or something more?
In many situations, your child will actually be relieved at the idea of getting help. It’s likely the idea that they have a “problem” that is scary for them.
As adults, this is probably a feeling you, a friend, or family member have had before. It can sometimes feel that acknowledging or admitting that we’re depressed, at the end of our rope, or struggling with anger gives those things more power.
Therapists can help with this. Remember that your child never has to walk into a session with a script prepared. There’s no “wrong” thing to say or not to say, including sitting in silence for a while.
Accept your role as a parent in therapy
Unless it’s family therapy, your child — especially older children — may not want parents involved. If they want you there for support or as part of the discussion, and the therapist is open to this, it’s okay to stick around. Otherwise, it may alleviate your child’s fears to tell them you’re going to run down the block and grab a coffee or sit outside and read.
Frame the experience as exploring not “fixing”
It can be tempting to think of the therapist as someone who “fixes” emotional problems and helps get their clients out of ruts. And even for adults, this isn’t true. Counseling services are always a partnership, which is why most experts will say that unless someone is truly ready for therapy, it won’t be effective.
Ideally, incorporating these guidelines in your approach to therapy will help a child see their sessions as a free space to talk about what’s bothering them and work with the professional to find solutions — even if the answer is just having a private space to vent. For most of us, the latter can feel like just what the doctor ordered when it comes to creating more peace in our lives.
Meeting people where they are, at any place on their journeys, is central to our work at Kindred Place. As with all our pieces in this space, Kindred Place is eager to hear your thoughts and input. Did we get this right? If not, how could we have more meaningfully addressed the subjects within this piece? Get in touch at info@kindred-place.org.